Coaches put on professional face amid parental meltdowns

It is, alas, a tragedy to watch parents lose control at a high school football or Little League game. Just go to You Tube and type in Parents Fighting if you want to see some examples, like the melee in Corpus Christi, Texas, in which a nest of parents attending a Pee-Wee football game, go at each other on the dusty sidelines. As one parent attempted to peel another parent from the existing pile of parents, a second parent not wanting the character-building display to end, kicked the parent-peeler back into the mound. Love it or hate it, America surie isnt boring.
To be sure, this is a small, ugly thread in the big quilt of life. But it is hard not to notice it.
Coaches here say you see more parental meltdowns at football games only because football is so visible compared to other sports played in the country. But parental meltdowns over their kids athletic lives bleeds through all sports. And its been around forever.
Arlington Varsity Football Coach Tim Tramp remembers former head coach John Boitano some years back getting confronted by an irate parent.
He walked up to Boitano and said, if you dont win the Stilly Cup, Im going to kick your ass, Tramp remembered. He was dead serious. Boitano didnt engage the parent, which is exactly the philosophy most coaches subscribe to, including Tramp.
I set parameters, he said. I wont talk to a parent after a practice or a game. Instead he asks them to make an office appointment during school hours to voice their concerns. That tack has a two-pronged effect: Firstly, it disarms the hot-blooded dad or mom. Secondly, it provides parental ventilation when theyre much more relaxed so much so that they rarely show up or make an appointment.
One parent, furious over the lack of playing time awarded his son, confronted Tramp on the sidelines after a game saying, youre killing my kid, youre killing my kid! Tramp coolly suggested the parent make an office appointment and later took the boy aside and asked how he was feeling. The boy said he was fine, adding he was having the best year of his life.
Emotions get high and Ive had parents make threats. Its ridiculous because theyre only focused on one thing: their child. And they cant see beyond that. I dont coach parents, I coach kids, Tramp said.
There are all sorts of reasons for the behavior of overzealous parents. Some have been coaches and just cant turn off that switch when theyre on the sidelines, said Marysville-Pilchuck Athletic Coordinator Josh Rosenbach. Others, according to Tramp, sometimes have so much invested in their kids, paying for health clubs or athletic camps, supporting booster clubs, that they expect something in return. Often, added Rosenbach, you agree to disagree with the parent. But it is important to hear their side and get a different perspective.
Parents who familiarize themselves with the particular programs by attending practices, helping with dinner or booster events, tend to understand the choices coaches make. Tramp, who has been coaching football for 18 years, calls them his greatest supporters. But the ones in the stands can be the biggest problems and can be pretty self-centered about their kids, he said.
Its my job to think about the entire team, not just one child.